Patience

I am not a particularly patient person.
That is most probably an understatement. Just as saying: Shira is enthusiastic, anxious and prone to hyperbole is also probably an understatement. So it is with great surprise, confusion and a small amount of pleasure that I find myself, for the first time in my life, feeling...patient.
I am now 6 months pregnant. In another 3 months plus, we will G-d willing have a new addition in our family. And while I am excited and thrilled, pretty much beyond words, I am in no rush for these next 3 months to fly by as the past 6 months (and really, the past 9 years) have flown. And it is such an unusual state for me that I find myself pondering it often, trying to figure out why and how that it has come to be. Maybe it's age? Maybe it's because this baby was so fought for, for so long, and is so desperately wanted that I am just enjoying every moment of the anticipation and build up of excitement. Maybe it's nerves? Or maybe it's a combination of all three.
With Amira and Yaakov, I was in a rush. I wanted to know what gender they were even before the 20 week Sonogram. I wanted them to be born as soon as was possible so that I could meet them and hold them and get to know them. Amira thwarted that by arriving 2 full weeks late, while Yaakov acquiesced, and since he was 2 weeks early, I was actually pregnant a full month longer with Amira than with Yaakov! This time, despite the ongoing nausea, despite the fact that I already cannot breathe, despite the exhaustion and everything else that is bothersome about pregnancy, I am happy. I am grateful to be pregnant. I am enjoying the constant gymnastics in my "water tank." I look down at my growing middle and I love how it looks. I actually smile when I see myself in the mirror.
I can never remember how many weeks I am currently, while with Amira and Yaakov I could tell you how many minutes I had to go.
I know that going from two kids to three is going to be an adjustment. I realize that we are starting the baby stage again, just as things have started to get easier. I know that adding a baby into the mix is going to mean less of my time for Amira and Yaakov and less time together for Yehuda and me, less space in our home and more stress. I know that I will worry and agonize and stress over these things when the baby comes, G-d willing, in good time, but for now, I am patient. I am enjoying every minute I spend with my big kids. I am trying to relish and remember and fully experience every day of this pregnancy. I don't want the next couple months to fly by. And I don't want my children's childhood to fly by, either. I am grateful and blessed and happy to be here, where I am, right this minute. And I am not thinking about anything beyond that, because where I am is the best place I could possibly be.